Friday, 20 May 2016

We will be alright.

You’ve spent so many years looking forward to this phase of your life. And it always looked so cool. So glamorous. So filled with love and laughter.

Yet here you are. With knowledge that it’s anything but.
It’s messy buns and messier lives. It’s baggy shirts and overflowing laundry bags. It’s a lot of work and never enough money. It’s freedom with responsibilities. And life is no longer what it seemed.

Different people are doing different things.
Your best friend’s getting married. Your old classmate is killing it with success. Your ex is happy in love. Your old mate is drowning in drugs. Different people are doing different things. But not you. You’re just existing. You’re getting through everyday a little better than the last. But then you have days where you can’t get up at all.

You spend your Friday evenings holed up in a corner because you’re too responsible to drink your night away. Too control freakish to lose yourself to someone else’s tunes. But somehow, this isn’t enough. This life you’re living doesn’t feel complete. Loneliness wraps around you like a blanket you love and you wonder where you went wrong. Why you became different to everyone else.

“Did I do too much too soon? Did I not do enough? Was there a reason why it was never me? Is this going to be the rest of my life? Alone? Unsuccessful? Filled with dreams that never come true?”
And your hands reach out to your phone. One text. One call. To that someone who might make you feel pretty. Who might make you feel important. And your need takes over.

The need to feel accepted. To feel appreciated. To feel adored. To feel loved.

And it is so strong, you forget your sanity for a few minutes of flattery. You lessen your worth for dishonest words. The hurt in your heart, camouflaged. If only for a few seconds.

But it’s never enough. And when you wake up, it’s worse. The hammering of your heart so loud in your ears. A memory of last night frustratingly haunting. Yet another mistake. Yet again.

You scream hateful words to yourself. When will I ever learn? You go over those messages. Those conversations. How you fell right back into a ditch when you knew better. Just for a moment, you wish you weren’t yourself.
And in that moment, read these words:
Breathe. It’s not so bad. You think I don’t understand. But I do. Because I’m there, too. I’ve made that call. I’ve texted that wrong person. I’ve woken up with regrets. I still do. I’ve felt the need to be held. I’ve felt that silent green monster towards a friend in love.
Yes, we all make those mistakes. And we all think nobody else does. But they do.

So please, don’t hate yourself. And don’t stop. Don’t stop loving with all you have. Don’t stop wishing on every shooting star. Don’t stop dreaming of fairytales and being as amazing as Malala Yousafzai. You might not always get there, but don’t stop.

You have so much left to do. You have a world filled with life waiting to happen. You have books to be read. Steps to be taken. Places to see. People to meet. You haven’t lived half your life yet. There’s so much ahead. And in ten years, when you look back, you’ll wish you were here again.

So don’t waste it wallowing in your own sadness. Don’t lose yourself to your self-pity and non-existent boundaries. Use everyday. And I don’t mean spend thousands of dollars and visit the North Pole. I know how 
you’re struggling to make ends meet.

Do the simple things. Stop procrastinating. Take a walk with nature. Go to the gym. Read your favorite book for the millionth time. Watch a movie. Write your novel. Sketch until you’re better than the best. Eat like you’re dying tomorrow. And most importantly, make mistakes. Your heart will heal. But today will never be back again. Don’t live with “Could-have-been’s.” Take chances.

And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remember – It’s okay to be alone.
There is time to let your life revolve around someone else. But today, let it 
revolve around you.

Not because you can’t find someone. Not because you can’t be loved.
But because you deserve to wake up with a smile. You deserve to live life. To make memories so wild, you’ll be the coolest grandparent they’ve ever known.

Breathe. It’s only your mid-20’s.
You’re going to be alright.

By Poornima Baskar
Top of Form
(all credit to her i do not own this) 
Bottom of Form

Thursday, 22 October 2015


Sixteen years of innocence and two years of wilderness- she, to herself, was a mess, a pile of junk, a useless moron. It was a mystery to herself-she did not know how she turned this way, why she found happiness in the dark, why she enjoyed loneliness. She didn’t know how she lost her self confidence or why she never gained any. She was a dreamer, a useless and worthless day dreamer- dreaming the days that were never to come true and never to come real. She lived a life she was given but she wanted to live a life she dreamed of. She had been breathing to survive but she wanted to breathe to live. She had everything- food, shelter, clothes, approach to education, family, friends-everything that a middle class family could afford but still there was something that was lacking within her. She wasn’t contempt. There was something that was missing, something she needed the most was lacking. She had a body but she wanted a soul, she wanted a life. She had seen herself breaking apart and now she was seeing her future fall apart – her self-esteem, self-love, grades, life- everything.

Friday, 21 November 2014

Communication gaps

So you have always been circled by a great group of friends? Never imagined you would have to live without them? Everyone was so friendly and frank and you never felt lonely? But suddenly time changed and you feel like you have been left in the big crowd of people. Even though you have a large number of people around you, you feel that you are in a desert and all what you have around you is life-less sand and sound-less cactuses and even the sight of those objects (objects, at least for you) makes your heart feel pricked. You try your best not to care about the presence of the spikes but the more you try to ignore and be happy on your own, the more it pricks.
Yes, this happens. Even in the midst of thousand people you feel alone. You do not feel alone because you are alone, you feel it because you feel you have been knocked out and left out. This pricks hurt even more when you start feeling alone in midst of the one once you're very close with. You have the feeling that you are the worst and do not have the ability to accomplish anything. The feeling starts getting even worse if you fail of your some sort of job. You try to move on but you realize it’s only getting worse. There come times and you feel not only knocked down in your friend’s circle but also in your close relations. You try hard to draw conclusion(s) about what is being the barrier of your happiness and promise yourself to be a well behaved and hearted person onwards. But the sooner you step out of your room and approach your mom, the first sight and talk depresses you and the self-promise – dugh! What –so –ever.
Loneliness clings to your soul if you randomly keep on reminding yourself that you are lonely. The feeling keeps on getting stronger if you constantly keep thinking that no-one cares about you and there won't be any difference to your environment even if you disappear all of a sudden with or without any prior pre-notice. But life isn't always about what you mean to others- it’s all about who you are and how you want your life to take shape. The creepy thoughts like I am nothing and there isn't anything I can accomplish on my own may keep ragging our brains but I guess they are just the result of our negative thoughts and pessimism.  I say this because it applies at least to me. But this not really the truth, life is much more beautiful than it feels on certain times. No beginnings are easier and swift and every lonely-beginning-feeling are the beginnings of our everlasting success if we take steps into the world with full self-confidence and extreme urge to stand on the top of the world.  


Sunday, 29 June 2014

Untitled article :)

Holidays are fun but sometimes they turn out to be the greatest teacher of anyone's life. A lifelong teaching that no one will ever forget. i am myself on a holiday, a holiday of such a length that no Nepalese student will get ever after. Yes, i have just passed my School Leaving Certificate (SLC) exam and have been enjoying the three-months holiday granted just after the exam, colleges will open soon. More than just fun, this holiday has bestowed me with some great lifelong teachings.

I guess humanity prevails more than friendship because you show humanity when you see others suffering, when we are within the four walls you see none suffering and thus you are occupied to yourself, unless you are some sort of great social worker. But friendship is different, it is a feeling that comes from inside you and you can’t stop caring for your pals even when you are miles apart. The feeling is enduring.  Thus it is easy to be human than be a friend.

Till the time I was in school, I had great friends yes quite a large circle but now I am compelled to think what friends are and what is the meaning of friendship moreover what my circle was, what kind of it was. As soon as we have been apart the feeling of friendship had withered to some point. It has been limited to meetings HI and the departures BYE. I wonder why the everlasting feeling that gives people hope to live long and happy doesn't exist as soon as we stop seeing each others. Why doesn't it last long and inspires one to be contented. Well, perhaps these days even friendship prevails to fulfill peoples greed. The feeling never comes straight from the heart, but there are exceptions for sure.

We all have been fascinated by the stories of friendship of fictional characters like tom and jerry, timon and pumba,  and etc . we all wish to have a friend that our friendship too gets to be known as some example to the present and coming generations. However, all we do is just wish and hope . its not like we do not have people around us . we are social animals and it is in our genes to be social . we do have the capacity and ability to turn into an example of true friend. All we have to do is to cut the ego and jealousy that comes between we and our friend and take the initial step to neutralize the bitterness, if prevails .

Sunday, 13 April 2014

Flash backs

 A new year remarks a new beginning , inspires people to dream again , motivates them to work harder and shows a new path to begin the journey, ending the sorrows, unhappiness and bitterness of the past year. With a rise of new sun in the horizon, we begin to think of all the things that happened in the past and determine to continue the progress ending the regrets and mistakes.

  In the country i live, the calender of official use is of Bikram Sambat (B.S) and year 2070 BS (14th April 2013 AD - 13th April 2014 AD ) has just end. When i look around and push myself to the world of memories of this passed year, I feel a strange feeling. Academically, being a student of high school, in the beginning of this year, I was sad as I couldn't make my way to the section where only top 30 student were kept. However, later on I realized, if i had been there, I would hav missed diamonds for gems. 

  This year has been a total surprise for me. I have ties with people with whom I had never even imagined of being nice, my relations to my friends of years has turned sour, moreover I myself have changed. I no longer treasure people whom I used to and do not care much of what people think of me. I just have my own way, I act the way that seems better to myself. I always used to think that the company of people intelligent than oneself could show you the better and brighter path to move on, but now I believe, the one friend who might not secure marks equivalent to you but has a good heart and character can be your lifetime teacher and lifetime companion who will always support you in every ups and downs of yours life , who will always be there to rectify your mistakes and the one who will act as a ladder to reach your destiny.

 Happiness, enjoyment, joy, tears, sorrows, sadness, crushes ... etc were the mixed emotions of the year in school. The whole class would celebrate for the victory of one and shed tears in their sorrows. We would tease our friend in front of his/her crush until s/he blushed crimson. Leisure periods and breaks were the main attraction during the year and sometimes the whole class would have same assignment copied from a single person ! I do not have enough words and cannot express my gratitude to my amazing friends of the year. Now that we have already given the school leaving certificate examination and are waiting for the results, those good days will never return . They all now will remain as a memory .............. . 

 I believe, most if the time in our life we run like crazy to achieve the bigger and greater goals of our life and leave everything behind without even taking a single look just because they seen unnecessary and unimportant. But, only at the end we realize that those things which seemed stupid were the ones that really count. We only at the end realize that we lived our life like a oak, which lives like hundreds of years but gains nothing but regret to itself because social respect and wealth are just not enough to live a peaceful and happy life. We begin to envy the lily, which lives just a day but get admired by thousands of people for lightening their faces with smile and remains in their memories. For something like resolutions or determinations for the upcoming year, I do not have any such sort of thing but I wish myself to be real and wise. May I be able to live like a lily-a bright flower which brightens the day of many people and gets admired by them . 

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Introduction and Myself!

Before I introduce must be wondering why did I get a blog? What will I use it for?

Well I don't know the answer. I have thoughts raging in my mind everyday and it is driving me crazy. I usually don't let these thoughts out but I just had about enough because I can't take it in any more. 

The reason why I created this blog is this is a place where I can write about my thoughts so that it doesn't store up my memory in mind and I get peace! Mostly I will write about stuff that’s currently happening and sometimes I may just go on about unimportant stuff that I want to keep a note of. Hopefully you guys will like it. This is what blog is: A place where I can write!

Now to introduction, I am a simple girl who is chasing a complicated dream, life has been fair and unfair to me at times but I smile through all the tough times with no complains, regrets and get through all the situations without any hassle. Brought up in Nepal, Living in Nepal, I lack experience but I assure you what I write will all make sense and it will amaze you. Thanks for inspiring me to write blogs! :)