Sixteen years of innocence and two years of wilderness- she, to herself, was a mess, a pile of junk, a useless moron. It was a mystery to herself-she did not know how she turned this way, why she found happiness in the dark, why she enjoyed loneliness. She didn’t know how she lost her self confidence or why she never gained any. She was a dreamer, a useless and worthless day dreamer- dreaming the days that were never to come true and never to come real. She lived a life she was given but she wanted to live a life she dreamed of. She had been breathing to survive but she wanted to breathe to live. She had everything- food, shelter, clothes, approach to education, family, friends-everything that a middle class family could afford but still there was something that was lacking within her. She wasn’t contempt. There was something that was missing, something she needed the most was lacking. She had a body but she wanted a soul, she wanted a life. She had seen herself breaking apart and now she was seeing her future fall apart – her self-esteem, self-love, grades, life- everything.
Drowning yourself in self-pity and unhappiness in probably the easiest thing a person can do. it takes no extra effort, hard word from your side but takes away all your enthusiasm, love and respect for the self, creativity and motivation for a brighter tomorrow. As a kid, I was dissatisfied with almost everything, Ihad so many things to complain about that I forgot to rejoice the small moments and gifts life has to offer. All I did was surround myself with biology, trigonometry, geometry, history and other never ending lists. When I startedrealizing that what I had been doing is not the right way and tried to step out, Iforget to balance it with those books Ineeded to read, and Isunk. Ididn't even know where Iactually went wrong and when I ACTUALLY understood the importance of balance, it was too late to drag the boat out of the sea. Ifound myself in the middle of nowhere, with no emotions, aspirations, motivations or friends for Ihad traded them all with the so called freedom.